a toast for the assholes

Father never taught me that the world is cynical. This blog was previously titled "escaping cynicism" where I then received criticism from others remarking it's not an appropriate blog title.

I wish I hadn't changed.

Let's be real; every person on this planet is motivated by self-interest in some way, shape, or form. There's no escaping it. It's a harsh fucking reality that everyone should be taught by their parents growing up, and in order to take a piece of the pie, you'll need to exhibit some form of cynicism as well. Maybe more than others.

There are few people that will show any form of compassion towards others during their display of cynicism. If you ever find a person that does show compassion or empathy during their quest of self-interest, hold onto them and don't let go. Well, let go if you're becoming a bit too weird and needy, but try your best not to lose that person. Through my constantly evolving repertoire of friends, I've dropped each one that exhibited the former quality. Only did I realize when it was too late.

This isn't a blogpost to whine, bitch, or complain. No. I'll apologize in advance if it reads that way, as that is not what I intend on writing. I write this post to remind myself that I need to be more cynical myself in order to be happier. Time and time again I find myself putting others needs, wants, and happiness before my own. When people can leave you behind and not second-guess their decision is when you know you're being walked on.

Each time a computer breaks or something remotely close to being electronical in nature needs assistance, I'm the person they call. I'm the person they expect to fix it, for free. Little do people know that everything has a price. My price: respect. It's always a dine-and-dash scenario. Reap the meal and skip the payment.

I'm an asshole for skipping a funeral for a person I have never met in my life, nor did I even know about. I'm an asshole for getting angry when people leave me behind after saying I'll be a few minutes late, but asking them to wait up for me. Frustration.

When I try to put myself before others, I'm an asshole. If I put others before myself, I get trampled on and I'm unhappy. It's a fine line that I've grown exhausted treading.

No more am I going to bend over backwards when people ask me to do something for them. If it even slightly conflicts with one of my interests, plans, or goals, I automatically throw it out. I don't like the thought of doing it? Too bad, find someone else. I want to go somewhere at a certain time? I leave, regardless if others are ready or not.

I'd rather be an asshole and happy than an unhappy doormat.

Too often if someone is asked to do something they don't fancy doing, they bend over and cave solely to please the other person. Their own goals and interests are put in the back seat, giving first class priority to the acquaintance.

Oh, and when someone says they're going to do something and don't follow through. First time, it's okay. Second time, I'm apprehensive. Third time, you're out. It's a game of baseball and you're at bat. I'm lobbing slow underhanded throws waiting for you to knock them out of the park, and you're letting them pass by. Three strikes and you're out. There's a batting line-up and you're not next.

I drink too much. I eat too much. I spend too much money on others. I care about others too much. I hurt myself too much.

This world is a fickle bitch and my ass grows tired from sitting on this rollercoaster of a ride.

Here's a toast for myself.