distance

I didn't sleep a single second the night separating Monday and Tuesday. I was too excited. Two months until I visit became two weeks. Flipping through airfare search engines like a kid going through his Toys-R-Us catalog around the holidays, I scoured to find the best flight option. October 2nd was the date a plane would be taking me to Honduras. Too excited, blankets were wrapped around me in attempt to sleep, but all my mind was focused on was my mental checklist of things that needed to be done.

Perhaps the lack of sleep wasn't healthy. With not a minute of sleep under my belt, I went to the gym for a quick workout Tuesday morning, then headed home to get ready for a three hour drive. It was a bad decision, as I often found myself slipping between reality and dream-state, but caught myself and turned the volume knob on the radio one step louder. My voice hoarse from my embarrassingly bad vocal covers.

The next twenty hours would be spent at the Cabin. My father didn't arrive until around 3 o'clock, which was about two hours after I arrived. Most of the day was spent on the dock reading a book, ordering an item from Amazon, and again planning my trip. The next morning, I purchased a day's length fishing license, and set out to fish by myself while my dad slept soundly in the cabin. I've never beat him to the lake. Fog being moved above the water by the waking winds of the earth, the boat came upon two loons that didn't flinch. My eyes met theirs at a close distance, yet neither of us minded, and kept on our way. I caught the largest Bass fish in my lifetime, and found it oddly peaceful to be out on the water at such an early time even though it's been four years since my last fishing endeavor.

Is this what it feels like to get old? I don't mind it.

My trip in two weeks came to a crashing halt. A birdie hinted that it may be too early to visit. Part of me agrees, but another part misses her dearly. If not October, I would likely need to wait until late December if my manager allows me the time off. That's another three months away.

I've never done this. I never envisioned myself in a long distance relationship, and here we are. I am oddly at peace with it, but a part of me yearns to try and close the gap between us. I want to see her soon, but grow scared that the now-longer than anticipated time apart will work against us. Maybe it won't though. I was thinking of having a serious discussion with her to see about setting a firm date to visit, then allow me to work and get the time off. Once tickets are bought and time off is granted from work, I'd like to think that it would act as incentive to just try that much harder if things go sour to keep them together, knowing that we will see each other and if the flame dims, it will rekindle once we hold each other again. However, without that certainty of seeing each other, I fear that someone will let the flame dim without any hope. A reasonable fear, right?

I'm still all in. I'm going to give it my absolute best, not an ounce less. If I do give less, she deserves more. But I will give it my all.

Music: Lemon Jelly - Come