telegraph ave

I sit on my couch, rum and cola in hand.

Bacardi and Pepsi Max, to be exact. Something I'm not particularly proud of, but I'm saving my money for other endeavors.

I awoke this morning in a panic thinking I worked at noon, only to look at my phone and see that I was actually scheduled at four o'clock. Bliss.

Sleeping in. Something I haven't done in a while. It ate away like acid on skin. I enjoyed most of it, but my day was gone. I slept until noon. Video games ensued, then an attempt to the gym. I gathered my belongings and set on the road. Traffic. At the 35th Street intersection, I saw heavy traffic on Interstate 35, which turned my mind the other way. Turning the wheel home, I decided the gym wasn't on today's schedule. The time was three o'clock and I was hungry. Burger King on Nicollet Avenue called my name.

Mistakes.

I ordered a bacon cheeseburger and a medium french fry. The old Ian would go all-out: Double cheeseburger, large french fry, and maybe a second sandwich. I've changed. Food isn't a pleasure anymore, it's a necessity. I eat to live, not live to eat. The french fries tasted like chemicals. I ate half out of hunger. The burger, mediocre at best, was forced down.

Long for the days of childhood, I reminisced on when I'd order a "King-sized french fry" to enjoy the potato-ey goodness. I fucking loved those french fries. I remember the days of wrestling when, after I weighed in for the State Championship tournament in Rochester, MN, I'd ask my mother to drive us to Burger King to order french fries. Innocence.

Work came and went.

I'm disappointed I didn't go to the gym today.

Courtney left her Skype logged in on her phone. An enthusiastic message was sent, just to be received by an empty phone. She responded after a few hours, which absolutely made my evening. The highlight of my day is speaking to her. Pixels separate us, yet pixels keep us together. I've never felt this strong about someone before.

We conversed quite a bit. Sam and I had some good talk, as well. She hinted at I coming down there to visit quite strongly. The ticket has been sitting on my desk since May. Back in May, we didn't talk much. Previous blog entries may have hinted at this, though. I didn't believe we'd grow this close, and that I'd use the money on technology. Wrong. By ticket, I mean money. It's sitting there, accruing nothing by dust. Money is no qualm. I just need to know when the time is right. I want to visit, and I will. Money comes and goes. Feelings and...

I can't say it yet. The time isn't right. I haven't said it to her, but I will.

The ice has melted in my Rum and Cola. On reddit, someone was struggling with a break-up. I let them know that it does get better. Four years ago, I thought I found "the one". I was horribly mistaken. I went through the following months thinking I'd never find someone better. Thinking that I was trash, and a terrible person. Four years later, my thoughts have changed.

Four years later, I've found someone special. Met through pixels, and that's how we live now. I think this is the start of something special.

I hope it is.

Music: Childish Gambino - telegraph ave ("Oakland" by Lloyd)