uneasy

The time is 11:59pm. Another tick of the clock and the second weekend of September has come and gone.

Much to my surprise, it looks like someone may be reading this. I haven't been here at all this weekend, but I opened up my blog to see 27 views yesterday. Hello to you, mystery reader. Or a Google bot scanning my pages to add entries to its' search results.

Likely the latter.

This weekend was an interesting one, to say the least. It's a test on my relationship. Bobby and I had a wonderful time Friday evening. Many-a drinks were had. Being that I received a bonus on my paycheck, I had to stop the bartender from walking away in attempt to change my choice of "Rum and diet, please" to a "you know . . . let's make it a Captain and diet." Classy. We had one of the best conversations I've had in months. Intellectual, deep, and well-balanced.

My refrigerator six feet away making sounds not unlike a young calf yearning for its mother.

I was invited to attend Oktoberfest in Stillwater, Minnesota with some close friends. Arriving at Jake's apartment only to swiftly be on our way, I was the chauffeur. Steve forgot to take funds out of the ATM so we took a short detour to the nearest Super America on our trip to Stillwater. Asking if anyone wanted something, I chimed in with my request for M&Ms. Ten minutes later, my care-package arrived. They were stale, much like chocolate that has been sitting out for many months. Steve checked the "best by" date, to be welcomed with the current month and year: September 2014. I could not finish them.

We arrived to Stillwater at approximately 3:36pm to be greeted by Paul and his father. I haven't see Paul in quite a while, and we seem to connect well. I missed him. Over a large lager and breaded chicken breast, we shared stories of our recent lives. Changes, promotions, gloom, relationships, and the like. After I finished my meal but before our bill came, I noticed a notification on my phone from Courtney. Rushing out to my car to get away from the clamor, we enjoyed a 20 minute video chat. I miss her.

The tent was opening and many patrons were arriving. Beer, food, and laughs to be had all around. A chill was lingering as we were no longer affected by the urban heat island. As the sun set, the chill set in. It wasn't long before I couldn't feel my fingers. After our fair share of kettle-corn, cinnamon-roasted almonds, and beer it was time to head home. Not to worry, I had three beers in the span of seven hours, along with more kettle-corn than any normal man should be able to consume without seeking medical attention.

We went our separate ways for the next few hours. I didn't hear back from Courtney, against her saying her and Sam would talk to me later that evening in order to exploit my drunken stupor and pry information out of me. Perhaps that was a win for my dignity, but I feel situations like those bring out the fun in people.

Reconvening at Steve and Angie's apartment two hours later after an intense gym session, we walked to Uptown. A trek, at that. It was a twenty minute walk, maybe thirty. Cold. We shared more stories over "Russian-style" fries and more drinks. Russian roulette with a cap-gun and a shot was purchased by me. Eight rounds, 1 shot. Surely the first person wouldn't get shot right away, right? We spun the cap-gun on the table, only for it to land on me. I put the gun to my temple and pulled the trigger with force. Bang.

I took the shot.

Today was nothing of splendor. I woke up sore, wishing someone was next to me to ease my aching muscles and head. Work followed from two o'clock until ten o'clock. I was able to hear from Courtney again, only to be met with a boundaries discussion. I didn't enjoy it, but it was one that had to be debated. We worked as a team, voicing our opinions and feelings, and we came to a middle-ground, albeit perhaps a bit rough. I'd like to work this out with her again in the near future.

To my reader, if you're out there: I am not good at this. I don't know how to be a boyfriend, but I am trying my best. There isn't a manual or specially-tailored users guide to this endeavor. I ask myself how much influence should I have over someone I care about, if they're thousands of miles away? Surely they need affection, but I can only provide that through pixels and bits.

I am, and will always, try my best.

The time is now 12:19am. The weekend is gone. Worry sets in over this week, but I'm not sure why. This is a long post, perhaps because it was a long yet short weekend. Long, as in, many events and things to do. Short, as in, I can't believe it's already Monday.

One day closer to seeing her.