helping you maintain

Coffee. The time is 7:18pm.

Wait, what? I don't ever recall drinking coffee at a coffee shop this late in the evening before. Contrary to my usual routine, I am not at a coffee shop in Northeast Minneapolis, instead, a Dunn Bros near my apartment. I decided to walk somewhere today, as the only walking to be had so far was from the apartment to the car, and from the car to the store.

Thinking. Much of that has been had today. I follow the same routine day in and day out, since I work evenings. Wake up, drive to 945 Broadway Avenue, and grab a coffee. Sit, try and make friends with strangers, and get my daily activities out of the way: read the news, maintain my finances, gather energy, and attempts at social interaction. However, I'm usually the only one sitting by him or herself. All my other friends work during the day. My girlfriend is much closer to the equator.

After the coffee, I go to the gym. Today, I went hard. More weight than previous weeks with higher intensity. It was a good workout, and I felt my first "pump", where muscles feel engorged with blood since they've been worked so hard. I felt attractive. First time in a very, very long time.

Following the workout, I go home, and relax for a half hour to an hour. Then, work.

The same routine day in and day out. Is this adulthood? I don't like this cycle. Courtney and I were talking about the dislike in regards to punching a time-clock and/or working a desk job. Unsatisfactory, leaving the thirst for more in life. I yearn for more, not wanting to do this the rest of my life. Life isn't meant to be working for a company that doesn't give two shits about who you are as a person, as long as you're producing results. I envy her. Making a difference in other peoples lives, the people I help forget about me within the next 24 hours, even though they are now able to cherish the memories and pictures of loved ones during the holidays that I saved. Their business records and finances are now accessible, and they don't have to file bankruptcy. I'm the one that saves the American Dream, but much like a dream, is forgotten the next day. The thirst for more in life.

I did take time to learn Spanish through Duolingo today. It was exciting. I enjoy learning. Perhaps I'll have to put this Spanish to use come later this fall, as I do intend on traveling to Central America. That would shake up the normal routine.

I'm starting to dislike that word. Routine. Normality. Regimen.

Courtney and I talked about her trip to the coffee shop today. She bought two children some food for under $2. Yet here I sit, a $2.75 coffee in hand. She was able to help children live another day, whereas I am helping myself maintain sanity for a higher price. Sure, I could donate to a program, but what percentage of that $2.75 would end up in the hands of hungry children? I could buy them a cheeseburger and French fries, but that would set an unhealthy example. At times like this, I wish I could be a bigger influence in the world. Given a choice between helping two children stave off hunger another day, or grabbing a coffee, I wouldn't think twice about picking the former. Yet, I can't. It either ends up in the pockets of "charities" that only reinvest ~10% of the earnings towards the needy, or panhandlers on the exit ramps of freeways that drive away in Lexus sedans.

Given my thirty minute break and the time it takes to walk back to my apartment, my break has come to a close. Another four and a half hours until I'm done with work. I was able to escape for twenty minutes.

Back to the routine.

Music: Com Truise - Colorvision